Nothing is Guaranteed

This week has been with filled turmoil for me. I sat through two of the hardest conversations I have ever had to have. And I promise you that one trumped the other five times over. The simple fact that I managed to make through the latter without vomiting was feat all its own. I allowed myself to enter a situation where I was not so sure I was going to make it out alive, but I did.

I mustered up the courage to face my fears, and I survived. I have not quite figured out if the outcome was ideal, or if I am still at a stalemate. But neither of those things really matter. What is important is that I made my best effort to stand up for what I need in my life.

Throughout my life I have mastered the art of hiding my thoughts, feeling and opinions. And this week I have managed to almost cross that bridge. I ventured almost halfway across, and it has not crumbled beneath my feet. I am still standing.  A Hiroshima like fallout is still in my sight line, but I will make it the entire length if it kills me.

Lately, I have been thriving on adrenaline. And the possible high of this challenge is something I will not allow myself to miss out on. Do not dare me! I am guaranteed to take on the provocation. And fear is a word I do not want in my vocabulary. From here on out I am going to face any challenge with iron man force.

I am going to own me and what I want with no apologies. Because it is the only way I can breathe. And it is the best way to live. I am awesomesauce in my own regard.

“What you have to decide… is how you want your life to be. If your forever was ending tomorrow, would this be how you’d want to have spent it? Listen, the truth is, nothing is guaranteed. You know that more than anybody. So don’t be afraid. Be alive.”
― Sarah Dessen