An Open Letter: Dear Mom and Dad

I woke up this morning ready to kick ass and knock out not only today but this entire week out of the park. I was so excited to take a stab at a new adventure. An activity that I spent years pondering over but never actually undertaking. I had ants in my pants for 6:15 pm. My adrenaline was pumping, and I was fired up.

Somewhere around precisely 2:01 pm, I was hit with a gut wrenching, stomach churning feeling. I had received a very daunting email about the status of health of my parents. Not just one but both are in poor health. Anxiety instantly poured over me, and I no longer found myself happy with me.

I have lived in a world of resentment and a strained relationship for years. I am talking the kind of place where “It puts the lotion on the skin,” is an understatement.

I can tackle almost anything, but my parents are entirely different beast. And I am not even sure where to exactly begin…

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know it has been over 5 years since we have last spoke. And I know that our relationship is strained. Our stories of the situation vary, but that is not my concern right now.

I am not going to lie. I used to try to live up to your expectations but somehow feel that I was never good enough. I gave it my all for as long as I had it in me. I wanted nothing more than your approval in this world.

I was a good kid. National Honor Society, softball, basketball, variety letters,  state champion bowler, and a full ride to a private university. I avoided trouble. While all my friends where doing drugs and consuming alcohol, I was striving to please you and to be the daughter you always thought you wanted.

But part of me feels like I could never live up to your expectations. And I know that I am equally at fault for our falling out. It does not rest only on your shoulders. I have not always given you the best of me. I have dodged phone calls and not visited home like  a daughter should. I have utilized monetary means for my own well being and neglected being appreciative. Part of me felt entitled, and I am not at all okay with that.

I finally realize that we all have our flaws, and we do our best to overcome them and not project them on others. But sometimes we just cannot help it. It happens without even being conscious of it.

I know you gave it your all. No matter what, you were both 100% in to raise me with the best of intention. I am sorry that I was not 100% in it to be the perfect product of your love. I really tried. Because all I ever wanted was your approval.

I need you both to know that I love you, adore you and appreciate all the things you have done for me. No matter how many years or how many harsh words have flown in between, you are family. You are my family. You conceived me, you raised me, and I am the person I am today because of you. I not only freaking adore you, but I love the hell out you. And I am here for you whether you believe it or not.

Always and Forever,
Susan L. Cope