Conflicted is an understatement. Right now my heart and my mind are out of alignment. My focus is not on point. And I am protecting myself. Hiding under rock comes naturally, but it is everything I do not want to be in this world. I am ducking for cover, and I am keeping my inner monologue to myself, even though I want to vomit it through my outer voice.
I have expressed my words countless times with conversations to myself. I have said everything I want to say. I just haven’t said it loud enough for you to hear it.
Part of me hopes your selective hearing prevents you from recognizing my Morse code signals, and the other half of me wants you to wake up.
To be completely honest, the outcome of the situation does not ultimately matter in my world. I am doing my best to be happy with me. I am still working on it, but I am getting there. So, whether you recognize what could be or not is up to you. Because what truly matters is that I preserve me.
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2 Responses to An SOS for Me
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Is the mind really speaking that loudly over the heart? I’d almost wager to say that your heart is set, but your mind is really the one waffling. Or just my impression of it.
Would it your ease your heart by making it known, and just allowing the cards to fall where they may? That would seem like the less stressful situation in my own interpretation, but that is only my view. I can be overly logical and pragmatic. I would hardly say that works the best in most cases.
I really do hope you bring that inner conflict to some resolve. It really hurts to have the mind and heart disagree so, especially when one is screaming out and the other is just trying to tame it. I just hope it’s not overwhelming your day-to-day thoughts and emotions! *hugs*
Jamie, I am so sorry for my delayed response. My pragmatic self knows that I should just move on. The problem is truly my heart. It seemingly does not want to let go.
I promise you that I am fighting through it with everything I am worth. My flight instinct is off the charts right now. However I have promised my inner self that we will stay fight the fight.