This event season has been crazy. I have been swamped, and the thought of two days off in a row seems like a vacation. I have tried to stay focused. I have tried to keep my head in the game. My heart and head look like they were organized by the Container Store. I have done my best to keep it compartmentalized.
May was filled with highs.
I skyrocketed out of my box. I stood on a stage in front of audience over 800 and closed out Ignite Phoenix.
I co-presented two of my favorite people with a lifetime achievement award.
And I was awarded the Never Say Never award by ISES Arizona.
But May also kicked my ass, and June has not kicked off any better. A phone call from home means nothing good. And my spirit is broken.
I am trying to stay in a positive place. I am trying to find the courage to know that reaching out will end amicably. And I want to be the daughter I always should have been.
But I am terrified, to the point where my fingernails tremble. I am so scared right now. Every fiber of being hurts. And I hate myself more than I ever have. I have lost all of my fight. I am not sure I have strength to do what I know is the only thing I can do.
All of my containers are mixed and jumbled. And as much as I try to fall away from my past, it is following me.