Today has been a bear! Currently, my to do list seems endless, and my plate is totally full. It is gluttony at its finest. My stress level is off the charts. I am basically an active volcano just waiting to erupt.

And trust me, that is not a bad thing!

Because there is nothing on [...]]]> #leftcontainerBox { float:left; position: fixed; top: 60%; left: 70px; } #leftcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; clear:both; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; padding-bottom:2px; } #bottomcontainerBox { height: 30px; width:50%; padding-top:1px; } #bottomcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; height: 30px; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; }

Today has been a bear! Currently, my to do list seems endless, and my plate is totally full. It is gluttony at its finest. My stress level is off the charts. I am basically an active volcano just waiting to erupt.

And trust me, that is not a bad thing!

Because there is nothing on my to do list that is not positive or seems daunting.

1.7.13 To Do List

I have made some tremendous strides both personally and professionally over the past few months. And my need for adrenaline is being fed. For the first time in a very long time, I am doing it all the right way.

Professionally, I am moving at the speed of light. It is non-stop. And every single moment, my skills are challenged. Everything is a calculated crap shoot. I basically have just been throwing some shit out there, and it appears to be sticking.

January alone bodes an entry into The Special Event (TSE) Tabletop Competition, a speaking engagement at TSE, a website launch, a photo shoot for Gertrude’s, and an interview with Catersource Magazine.

No rest for the wicked bitches!

Personally, it is a chivalrous progression. I suppose you would qualify it as courting. And it is spot on. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Every action and emotion is natural. I have been expressing how my heart feels, and it is notably reciprocated.

The past month has been filled with kind gestures, unforgettable moments, amazing strides, brilliant shower notes, and hours spent in the world’s smallest kitchen.

So 2013, get ready…because we are about to blow some shit up!

I have not really been doing much writing lately. There have been a few journal entries here and there, but I have not had a public thought in quite a long time.

And frankly, I even hesitate with this post. I find myself questioning whether or not it is too intimate.

There are very few things in life that I consider myself good at doing. I can plan one hell of shindig. I can write a menu description that would make you salivate over a carrot stick slathered in ranch dressing. And I can condense almost any statement into a 140 characters or less. But there [...]]]> #leftcontainerBox { float:left; position: fixed; top: 60%; left: 70px; } #leftcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; clear:both; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; padding-bottom:2px; } #bottomcontainerBox { height: 30px; width:50%; padding-top:1px; } #bottomcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; height: 30px; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; }

There are very few things in life that I consider myself good at doing. I can plan one hell of shindig. I can write a menu description that would make you salivate over a carrot stick slathered in ranch dressing. And I can condense almost any statement into a 140 characters or less. But there is one thing that I truly suck at…being a girl!

Fashion:

My daily uniform consists of a wife beater and jeans. And not just any jeans, mine are man jeans.

To be perfectly honest, if I could forego pants all together, that would be ideal. Don’t get me wrong, I love to get fancy and put on a dress every now and again, but it is a chore for me.

Simply stated, it requires an effort.

Makeup:

I love me the hell out of some eye shadow.

In fact, Urban Decay is like a drug to me. I own more palettes of eye shadow than anyone needs in a lifetime. The problem is that I hate applying eye makeup. I had my eyeliner tattooed on for a reason.

I dread the part of my morning routine that requires me to pick one or three of the colors out of the zillion palettes and apply them to my eyelid. If this process could be automagic, that would be amazing balls.

Hair Style:

There was one reason why I loved my buzz cut. It meant no blow dryer or flat iron. Both of these words are dirty to me. I have zero patience for styling my hair. And I hate, hate, hate the process with my whole heart.

Looking like that is just painful to me. If someone invented a Jetson’s style get ready machine, I would be a beta tester. Doing my hair basically ruins all the enjoyment of the shower. And I love me a hot like fire shower.

Shopping:

I adore fashion! My taste is classic, Audrey Hepburn style. But shopping…please just stick a fork in my eye. Just the thought of going to the mall makes me want to kick a kitten. And I am a professional shopping cart abandoner.The only way I am effective in a shopping situation is when I am intoxicated.

Drunk me can drop $400 with ease, but sober me thinks the dollar store is over priced. Having a shopping buddy is the only way I survive. Otherwise, torn shredded jeans would be black tie appropriate in my mind.

I am not a girly girl. I never have been and never will be. I enjoy looking and feeling pretty, but I despise the steps it takes to get there.  Everyday I force myself through the process because I desire the outcome. But I would much rather prefer to rock out with my cock out.

I have a Pinterest account, and I will  tell you that I pinned precisely one thing over the course of this social site’s lifetime. Of course, I had a beta account. What do you take me for, some sort of non techy! It was a site that I could never get into. I [...]]]> #leftcontainerBox { float:left; position: fixed; top: 60%; left: 70px; } #leftcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; clear:both; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; padding-bottom:2px; } #bottomcontainerBox { height: 30px; width:50%; padding-top:1px; } #bottomcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; height: 30px; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; }

I have a Pinterest account, and I will  tell you that I pinned precisely one thing over the course of this social site’s lifetime. Of course, I had a beta account. What do you take me for, some sort of non techy! It was a site that I could never get into. I really did see how it could be useful.

I work as a catering sales and marketing manager, so my livelihood comes from throwing parties. I also love to cook. Have you seen how many pictures of food have been pinned?

Pinterest and I should have had a love love relationship.  But the site fell just slightly short of my expectations. So let me tell you why….

My Peeves
1) There were no link backs to original websites where the images came from. How the hell was supposed to make that baked chicken breast covered in bacon and maple syrup that I re-pinned.

2) There was no way for me to keep my ideas to myself. As an event planner, when I am planning a party, I do not want to share my genius with the rest of world. My events, presentation, and food should be unveiled at the appropriate moment, not on the internet where anyone can see them.

So the other week when I received a Klout perk for LoveIt, I was skeptical.

“Oh great! Another one of those pinning sites,” ran threw my head.

But as I dug deeper into the site, I found unexpected uses for LoveIt for my career.

Why I LoveIt
1)  I have used the site generate menu ideas for upcoming events and proposals I have been working on. The fact that I can link back to source allows me find the recipes to all of those food items that made my mouth water. Otherwise my executive chef would have my head on platter.

2) I have created a private board for myself and a colleague to work on ideas for an upcoming table top design competition we are entering. It is a collaborative shared private board for our eyes only. We can pass ideas back and forth, and hopefully blow our competition out of the water with our brilliance.

I am sure over time I will find many more uses for this gem of site, but for now I am finally a true believer. Although Pinterest has a place, I am beyond in lust with LoveIt.

I am jaded and sometimes even cynical when it comes to the matter of love. I have had my heart broken, and my dreams crushed. There have been countless occasions where I thought I would never want to share myself with anyone ever again. Nights where meaningless sex and a slew of one night stands [...]]]> #leftcontainerBox { float:left; position: fixed; top: 60%; left: 70px; } #leftcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; clear:both; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; padding-bottom:2px; } #bottomcontainerBox { height: 30px; width:50%; padding-top:1px; } #bottomcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; height: 30px; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; }

I am jaded and sometimes even cynical when it comes to the matter of love. I have had my heart broken, and my dreams crushed. There have been countless occasions where I thought I would never want to share myself with anyone ever again. Nights where meaningless sex and a slew of one night stands could somehow fulfill me for the remainder of time. I could allow my sexual desires to be satisfied and avoid any emotional involvement. I could crawl out of another’s bed before the sun came up and never look back and wonder, “Could he be the one?”

The idea of a relationship was a foreign concept to me.  In no way did I desire to share myself with another human being in the most intimate of ways again. I would never sacrifice my dreams or for that matter even share my aspirations. My goals were all I needed and the distraction of partner would only hinder me. There was no need to waste my time with lazy Sunday’s laying naked in bed running my fingers along another’s body until I had memorized every single curve. I had no desire to share hours of conversation over countless candle lit dinners with just one mind. Everything I craved had to be carnal, exhilarating, and unfamiliar. The only constant I yearned for was change.

Sometimes the sex was mind blowing, and other times it just simply blew. There were evenings filled with enlightened and stimulating conversations counter balanced with those where my aptitude was met with ignorance. The high moments were invigorating, but the instances of the inferior left my senses filled with melancholy. I was fatigued and weary. Sharing myself and my emotions was not anything I lusted. I had resolved my psyche that this was how I was going to move forward.

Over the past few months I started to welcome a shift. I have began to come to a place where I no longer believe I will lose myself within someone else’s dreams. I am not the sacrificial lamb I once was. I have reached the point where I am proud of my accomplishments, and I find myself effectuating my aspirations and craving all the intimacy I told myself I never would need again.

I want a partner. Someone who will encourage me to continue my personal growth. Someone who will be more excited for my accomplishments than I could ever appear to be.  A person that will appreciate me and respect my purpose. Someone who is able to not only match my sarcasm but also respects it.  Someone who will simply let me be me and love me for being me. Someone for whom I can reciprocate enthusiasm.

I want a lover. Someone who will lay beside me and hold me. Someone who knows my body and embraces all my scars. Someone who knows how to make passionate love, but also understands the importance of mind altering sex. Someone who will blow kisses through the air at me. Someone who will kiss me with the deepest devotion for hours on end. Someone I can share moments or even hours of ecstasy. Someone who will take long hot showers with me and slowly wash every curve of my body. Someone whose body I can memorize and desire.

I want a friend. Someone who will intently listen to me. Someone who will offer me advice and not be hurt if I choose to not follow their direction. Someone who will lend me a shoulder to cry on. Someone who will laugh with me. Someone who will spend an entire Saturday in their pajamas watching a marathon of documentaries with me. Someone I can share a bottle of the finest red wine. Someone who on occasion will drink too much with me and share a drunken evening of people watching with me. Someone who will take walks that have no destination with me. Someone who will sit in silence with me and never feel the need to break the noiselessness. Someone who will not judge me. Someone I can share the silliest and most intense moments.

I want a man that I can love for his mind, body and soul.  A man who is willing swing his life away with me. And I want a man who will love me.

This event season  has been crazy. I have been swamped, and the thought of two days off in a row seems like a vacation. I have tried to stay focused. I have tried to keep my head in the game. My heart and head look like they were organized by the Container Store. I have [...]]]> #leftcontainerBox { float:left; position: fixed; top: 60%; left: 70px; } #leftcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; clear:both; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; padding-bottom:2px; } #bottomcontainerBox { height: 30px; width:50%; padding-top:1px; } #bottomcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; height: 30px; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; }

This event season  has been crazy. I have been swamped, and the thought of two days off in a row seems like a vacation. I have tried to stay focused. I have tried to keep my head in the game. My heart and head look like they were organized by the Container Store. I have done my best to keep it compartmentalized.

May was filled with highs.

I skyrocketed out of my box. I stood on a stage in front of audience over 800 and closed out Ignite Phoenix.

I co-presented two of my favorite people with a lifetime achievement award.

And I was awarded the Never Say Never award by ISES Arizona.

But May also kicked my ass, and June has not kicked off any better. A phone call from home means nothing good. And my spirit is broken.

I am trying to stay in  a positive place. I am trying to find the courage to know that reaching out will end amicably.  And I want to be the daughter I always should have been.

But I am terrified, to the point where my fingernails tremble. I am so scared right now. Every fiber of being hurts. And I hate myself more than I ever have. I have lost all of my fight. I am not sure I have strength to do what I know is the only thing I can do.

All of my containers are mixed and jumbled. And as much as I try to fall away from my past, it is following me.

I’m going to tell you a little story!

A few years ago I was introduced to Katie Krawcyzk via a connection that a friend had made via Twitter. It was a rainy day, and we were in Niagara Falls for the Main Street Grand Opening which Katie had planned. We immediately [...]]]> #leftcontainerBox { float:left; position: fixed; top: 60%; left: 70px; } #leftcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; clear:both; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; padding-bottom:2px; } #bottomcontainerBox { height: 30px; width:50%; padding-top:1px; } #bottomcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; height: 30px; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; }

I’m going to tell you a little story!

A few years ago I was introduced to Katie Krawcyzk via a connection that a friend had made via Twitter. It was a rainy day, and we were in Niagara Falls for the Main Street Grand Opening which Katie had planned. We immediately had common ground. Since I had tagged along with her event photographer, I was there for the entire day. I cheered on runners in  a 5K race. I rode on a unicycle (on the cyclist’s shoulders). Katie found the time to introduce me to the event planner for Buffalo Citybration. And it did not take long for Katie to become close friend. She is someone I know I can talk to, and I deeply appreciate it.

It was only a few weeks later when I met Dan Gigante while at an event during Buffalo Citybration with a group of random Twitter users. We were all tweeting a live commentary about the presenters and the event as a whole. Sarcastic is probably an understatement. Something we said made Dan come over and introduce himself. Thinking back on it, he made an impression on me.

It was Mashable’s very first Social Media Day and Katie’s Birthday when the three of us were in the same room along with two hundred or so of our closest Twitter friends. I specifically remember taking a s’more cupcake from Zillycakes for her. It was good night. There were handful of people I knew, and a room full of new faces. It was mixing and mingling at its finest. It was also the night Dan and Katie met, and they have been the unstoppable force behind You and Who for the past 2 years.

You and Who is brand that I have supported since the very beginning, and one that I continue to champion.

I have voted countless times in contests. I have Tweeted. I have liked posts on Facebook. I have mentioned this brand in previous blog posts. And last Christmas I took the money I could have spent holiday gifts and bought five You and Who shirts. The only things I asked were that they mail one shirt to me and, donate the remaining nine shirts to shelters in the cities that I love. They happily fulfilled my requests, and they graciously thanked me for what I had done. And I just find something so magical about them.

Recently You and Who has launched a program that has collided with my professional world.  Who’s Hungry’s operating model is simple. You and Who will provide custom printed t-shirts with your design for conferences, events, your team or function. Or they are happy to assist you in design resources. For every shirt that is ordered they will donate a meal to any shelter of choice anywhere in the United States. The t-shirts are available for purchase on their website. And I am confident they would allow to you buy in bulk. But don’t quote me on that last statement.

The event planner in me can see about a thousand different uses for the Who’s Hungry program. I could honestly give you countless scenarios. Anyone and everyone from trade show vendors to wedding planners can have custom t-shirts for their events. Trade show producers could print shirts for their team and show a unified front while still representing their brand’s personality. Trade show vendors could utilize the program as an effective marketing tool for their brand by passing out t-shirts with custom artwork to attendees.  Brides and grooms could have unique t-shirt favors for their guests or even give them to out of town guests in welcoming kits. And at the very same time all of them would be giving back to the communities of their choice.

In my opinion the Who’s Hungry program offers an amazing opportunity for event professionals near and far. So the next time you have a soiree on the horizon remember this post and give back.

Circumstances in life have got me to thinking and considering how I spend my personal time. I have spent the last two years with myself, focusing on me. And I honestly feel it is time for me to open up my world. Simply stated; I want a date a with a real life [...]]]> #leftcontainerBox { float:left; position: fixed; top: 60%; left: 70px; } #leftcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; clear:both; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; padding-bottom:2px; } #bottomcontainerBox { height: 30px; width:50%; padding-top:1px; } #bottomcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; height: 30px; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; }

Circumstances in life have got me to thinking and considering how I spend my personal time. I have spent the last two years with myself, focusing on me. And I honestly feel it is time for me to open up my world. Simply stated; I want a date a with a real life boy man.

I know that I am not 100% where I want to be in life. Quite honestly I do not think I will ever get there. All I can do is fight for what I want. But I am ready to allow another person in.

I am willing to share joint experiences while maintaining my personal life. I am truly looking for a balance.

I want someone I can cook for. I can talk to. I can reach out to. I can learn from. I can share activities with. I can laugh with. I can breathe with.

I want chaos. I want banter. I crave the ups and downs.

I have reached my threshold on playing the big spoon. I want to cuddle and snuggle. I want chivalry. And I want to spend time with someone who respects me for me.

Conflicted is an understatement. Right now my heart and my mind are out of alignment. My focus is not on point. And I am protecting myself. Hiding under rock comes naturally, but it is everything I do not want to be in this world. I am ducking for cover, and I am [...]]]> #leftcontainerBox { float:left; position: fixed; top: 60%; left: 70px; } #leftcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; clear:both; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; padding-bottom:2px; } #bottomcontainerBox { height: 30px; width:50%; padding-top:1px; } #bottomcontainerBox .buttons { float:left; height: 30px; margin:4px 4px 4px 4px; }

Conflicted is an understatement. Right now my heart and my mind are out of alignment. My focus is not on point. And I am protecting myself. Hiding under rock comes naturally, but it is everything I do not want to be in this world. I am ducking for cover, and I am keeping my inner monologue to myself, even though I want to vomit it through my outer voice.

I have expressed my words countless times with conversations to myself. I have said everything I want to say. I just haven’t said it loud enough for you to hear it.

Part of me hopes your selective hearing prevents you from recognizing my Morse code signals, and the other half of me wants you to wake up.

To be completely honest, the outcome of the situation does not ultimately matter in my world. I am doing my best to be happy with me. I am still working on it, but I am getting there. So, whether you recognize what could be or not is up to you. Because what truly matters is that I preserve me.

I spent years living and working in Phoenix, AZ, and I feel as though I was the perfect suburban resident. I battled freeway traffic to my office downtown. And it took me moving to Buffalo, NY in 2008 to realize what living in a city and being involved in a community could mean.